DVD Review: Hitman

There is nothing wrong with a movie whose sole purpose is to explode things in a dramatic fashion. However, Xavier Gens’ movie ‘Hitman,’ takes things to a rather unreasonable extreme.

Based on a video game, (and adding fuel to the ‘there’s never been a good movie based on a video game fire,’) ‘Hitman,’ tells the story of Agent 47, a contract killer with a shaved head and a barcode at the base of his scalp. He’s incredibly efficient and clean- when he kills you nobody knows who did it. Things begin to go awry when he tried to kill the Russian President. Of course he does it, but there’s a problem. He really isn’t the Russian President. There’s something about arterial blood spray that gets Interpol involved in the case. Agent 47 is then sent to kill the one person who knows the truth about the Russian President. When 47 sees it’s an attractive Russian hooker, he doesn’t go through with the job and quickly finds out that someone is out to kill him. His agency double-crossing him, 47 hits the road with the girl, trying to figure out the truth before one of the many people who want him dead get their wish.

Did you follow all that? That’s what I was able to piece together from an actual viewing of the movie, combined with reading the plot summaries on two different web-sites. Needless to say, a clear plot was not one of the goals of the filmmakers.

‘Hitman,’ is a celebration of style, flashy cutting, cool lighting and effects. Agent 47, as played by Timothy Olyphant is, of course, an enigma. He finds himself falling for the Russian hooker, but doesn’t give in to his desires, fearing, I guess, that it’ll make him weak. Basically, the problem with a movie featuring a un-emotive main character is that you have no idea what the hell he’s thinking. Sure everything looks cool, but it’s all too contrived. Of course he’d stash a gun in the perfect place to retrieve it in the heat of a fight. Of course he would have an escape plan all set if someone comes to his hotel room. What happens to housekeeping when they just want to turn down the bed?

While some movies are silly and fun, this is just plain silly. It’s too caught up in looking cool and acting like it doesn’t care that the attitude starts to rub off on the audience. If Agent 47 doesn’t seem to give a crap, why should we? -Sam

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DVD Review: The Holy Mountain

This is not a movie to watch with Mom. Written, directed and co-starring Alejandro Jodorowsky, ‘The Holy Mountain’ is many things. Easily forgettable is not one of them.

Jodorowsky made the film as the follow up to his indie hit, ‘El Topo.’ John Lennon was among the films admirers and he approached Jodorowsky to see if he could help fund his next movie. Lennon ended up funding the entire film. The film remained elusive and available only in bootleg copies after Jodorowsky fought with former Rolling Stones manager, (and film distributor,) Allen Klein. Klein reportedly said the movie would only be released after Jodorowsky died. Luckily, nothing so drastic had to happen.

‘Holy Mountain,’ is light on story. Basically, a thief meets with up with a guide, (played by Jodorowsky,) who introduces him to seven spiritual guides. Together, they try to climb the titular mountain and kill the Gods who live on the mountain and take their place.

The plot is a simple one, and it’s basically 45 minutes until the it actually kicks in. Before that, the stranger is drugged and used as a model for a crucified Christ, a group of frogs dressed as conquistadors who re-enact the conquest of Mexico, and people reading each other’s excrement to determine the future.

The film is also oddly quotable and one could have a very profitable t-shirt company by solely printing up shirts featuring ‘Holy Mountain’ quotes. To wit:

You are excrement. You can change yourself into gold.
Your sacrifice completes my sanctuary of 1,000 testicles.

There’s also a line about rubbing your clitoris on the mountain, but I can’t find an exact quote on-line. As bizarre as the movie is, the visuals are amazing. Tarsem owes his entire career to the work of Jodorowsky. And Jodorowsky does it 1,000 times better than Tarsem dreams of. The film is apparently a low-budget movie and I knew that going in. Yet so many of the film’s set pieces look like huge effects, either an elaborate in-camera effects shot or requiring a large cast and expensive costumes. At every turn, the film simply dazzles and mystifies.

But did I like the movie? I don’t know. Would I recommend it? If you liked ‘Titanic,’ and don’t want to be challenged by film. I would say no. If you only like art movies because your friends do, I would say no. If you’re interested in seeing a movie unlike anything you’ve ever seen before, and could quite possibly melt your face off, I can say enthusiastically say hell yes. –Sam

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