Sam’s Review: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

After 19 years, Indiana Jones is back. The character that so many of us grew up with has returned fedora and all. So, does it live up to the hype? Well, kinda.

I’m not going to go over the plot. Read it somewhere else, if you’re that concerned about it. ‘But the movie,’ I hear you ask, ‘the movie, is it any good?’ Well, kinda. The film is ridiculous in spots, but that’s what you get in an Indiana Jones movie. If you want emoting and fully believable characters, look elsewhere. This is an homage to the 1940s serial films. A lot of action, with bare amounts of plot to hold everything together. However, one gets the feeling that George Lucas and Steven Spielberg are starting to believe the hype. When people keep telling them how great ‘Raiders’ was, or how funny it was in ‘Last Crusade,’ when Indy and his dad were tied together and they kept calling out for each other and then looking in opposite directions. ‘Why not give the audiences what they want,’ you can almost hear Lucas and Spielberg say. Why not? Because you’re the storytellers, that’s why. Your job is to entertain the audience, not to let it choose its own adventure.

The movie is an uneven one. The first hour is all plot and back story, all of which doesn’t amount to a hill of beans because, well, this is an Indiana Jones movie. It’s not supposed to have a ton of plot and back story. Here’s the idol. Here’s the bad guys. And we’re off. However, it takes a good 60 minutes for things to start happening.

There’s a scene with ants where they cover people and eat them alive. Pretty cool. There’s a chase sequence through the jungle with a bunch of different cars. Pretty cool. But part of my problem was the fact that Spielberg and producer Frank Marshall said before the movie came out that special effects would be kept to a minimum. Yet these two sequences are nothing but an orgy of CGI. Does that matter? Well, kinda. It’s a problem when you get taken out of a movie’s action by the fact that the light reflecting off of Shia LeBouf’s pants doesn’t match the other lighting in the rest of the shot. (I bet you never thought your read a dissertation on the reflection of light and Mr. LeBouf’s trousers on this site, did you?)

So, the CGI is a bit crap, the story is a little too involved for a simple action movie, how’s the acting? It’s good. Nothing too spectacular and Cate Blanchett’s Russian accent seems to waver a bit, but, not to a point that it ruins the movie. The end piece of the film is nice, but again, it’s a bevy of special effects. Don’t tell an audience you’re not going to use special effects and then turn around and race as fast as you can to the nearest computer.

But that’s not reason enough to hate this movie. And I didn’t hate it. However, at film’s end, when the lights came up, the only thought that passed through my mind was, ‘eeh. At least it didn’t suck.’ Is that a reason to see a movie? That it isn’t the cinematic abomination that you were scared of seeing? Not really. -Sam

It’s a World Wide Web: Junk of the Information Super Highway

I have time on my hands.  Most of that time is wisely spent throwing wet noodles at old people, but when I am not contributing to the betterment of society I am scouring the internet for genius.  That is why I am bringing you this new weekly feature ‘It’s a World Wide Web: Junk of the Information Super Highway.’

If you ever thought, “Yes, it is a great idea to wear binoculars and play soccer,” well, you would be right.  Not since the Pilgrims decided to colonize the Moon has there been an idea so revolutionary.  

Futurama’s ‘The Beast with a Billion Backs’ Trailer

Futurama’s direct-to-DVD follow up to the direct-to-DVD release, ‘Bender’s Big Score’ will be hitting store shelves on June 24th. Titled, ‘The Beast with a Billion Backs,’ has something to do with a beast coming through to our universe and taking over Fry, making him the Pope of a new religion.

‘Bender’s Big Score’ was pretty damn funny (even though I checked out of keeping track of the specific plot points thanks to the convoluted time-travel wackiness that took place about halfway through) and I’m glad to see that Futurama is still coming out with new things. I hope Fox offered to give them a time slot back and they said no. Of course the ratings were low while it was on the air. How can a show do well if it’s constantly preempted by football?! Fox, you’ve done it again.

Anyhoo, this is much better. Check out the trailer (which isn’t really funny, but still) below and long live Fry!

Details on Rodriguez’s ‘Shorts’

It’s been a while since Robert Rodriguez has dropped a family film, wait no longer, ‘Shorts’ is coming your way.
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‘Sex and the City’ Director Signs First-Look Deal

Dreamworks apparently liked what they saw from writer/director/producer Michael Patrick King’s ‘Sex and the City’ feature, signing him for a first-look deal at the studio.

The film marks his feature directorial debut.

King told Variety “It’s a romantic comedy, but a deconstructed version…I want to write bigger stories about love and what it all means.”

When asked about ‘Sex and the City 2″ he replied that despite writing the film with a beginning, middle, and end, if people are interested “Why not.”

Bilbo Not a Dildo

Well…I guess there is a short list of names that Peter Jackson and Guillermo Del Toro have for the replacement of Ian Holm as Bilbo Baggins in the upcoming Hobbit and Hobbit 2. I’ve heard some pretty awful names tossed around (Jack Black!!??) but I actually think they might have picked a winner here. It looks like James McAvoy of Atonement and Last King Of Scotland fame could be the mane they pick to play Bilbo.

I think this is a smart play. I mean, Ian Holm was amazing as the crazy old Hobbit, but the man is in his mid 70s…don’t make him pry himself off of his hemorrhoid donut and jump around with wizards and dwarves. Give him a break!

As much as I would love to see Holm subtract 20 years off his age and leap and jump with the rest of them, I just don’t think its gonna happen. His replacement did actually worry me and I thought that perhaps an unknown might be the best choice, but if McAvoy is actually picked, I think its smart casting. He looks the part and he is actually a terrific actor. Just watch the two films listed above and you’ll see what I mean. So kudos
Jackson and Del Toro, if you indeed make it happen. Just as long as you don’t cast Ashton Kutcher to reel in the tweenies, I’ll be happy.

Ratner Eyes Video Game Adaptations

This doesn’t help my video game adaptations need talent argument, but apparently, Brett Ratner has been expressing his interest to adapt video games to features.

Ratner told Variety:  “The games business is much more exciting than the movie business right now…I will be doing movies that come from videogames.”

His new “Brett Ratner Brands,” business has access to Activision games. His new company did the recent Guitar Hero ads that parodied Risky Business with American Idol finalists David Cook and David Archuleta.

Let’s just hope he does good with whatever he gets his grimey hands on.

Quadrilogizin’ Time

With Hollywood living it up by reviving trilogies from back in the day, I figured I’d offer some help. I mean, it’s my childhood they’re plundering, so at the very least I can offer insight into what I think would make a great 4^th installment. Consider these few on the house ideas my thanks for all the hard work you idea-men are currently doing out there in sunny California.

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‘Step Brothers’ Red Band Trailer!

Oh glories of glory. I’m growing more and more fond of the readily available red band trailers (thank you, the Internet!) for upcoming flicks. Nothing sells a movie better than to hear the words “camel dicks” during a marketing campaign. The upcoming Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly picture ‘Step Brothers’ has released the red band trailer for their movie. It’s basically what you saw in the general trailer, but extended and ten times funnier.

I’m too busy watching it again to find the high def version, so just check it out here in all of its YouTube-iness.

Murphy to Reprise Axel Foley

So bringing back Indiana Jones is the same as bringing back Axel Foley right? Paramount must thinks so. Read more

Three Cool Movie Questions

‘Tonight I’ve got a question for you,’ sang Rhett Miller and the Old 97s. Everyone has questions. Only some people have answers. Here are three great movies that not only ask questions but also provide answers. Read more

‘Plan 9 From Outer Space’ Remade by “Madman”

Self proclaimed “Cult film Madman” John Johnson has taken it upon himself to remake Ed Wood’s 1959 sci-fi horror film ‘Plan 9 From Outer Space.’ Johnson insists that the film will not only avoid, “resorting to camp or parody,” (though you could argue that if you took the campiness out of this movie, it wouldn’t be the cult classic it is today. ) but in a large divergence from his previous work (work you have never seen), it will also “be largely character-driven.” And by “be largely character-driven” I assume he means “there will be largely breasted women in tight clothing involved in the production.”

If you are looking for reasons why this remake will not be good look no further than Johnson saying that ‘Plan 9′ was, “widely regarded as one of the worst films ever made.” Which is a nice way of him saying, “I can’t do worse, can I?” I say with a healthy dose of bad CGI and a director that wears a fedora, that yes, you can do worse.

The remake is scheduled for release on 9/9/09. So much for losing campiness.

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